“What a difference a day makes.” This was my sister’s mantra as she battled Stage 3 breast cancer for over a year. I think of this mantra often because it applies to all of us—no matter what challenge we are facing in our lives.

When my sister, Debbie, was going through her treatment, which included chemotherapy, stem cell transplant, surgery, and radiation, she had good days, and she had bad days. What got her through the bad days was knowing that there would be good days. She knew that even though she might feel really bad today, it didn’t mean that was how she would feel tomorrow or the next day. A jingle used commercially for C&R Clothiers kept playing in her head.

What a difference a day makes
Twenty-four little hours
What a difference a day makes
And the difference is you

I did some research and found out that the jingle came from a song, What a Difference a Day Makes, that was popular in the 1950s and sung by Dinah Washington. Knowing how much her mantra inspired her to get through the bad days, I bought her the CD. Debbie would listen to the song over and over again, as many times as she needed to get through the low days.

Are you going through a tough time right now? Do you have a health issue of your own or have you experienced a loss? Are you going through a life change or having trouble in a relationship? Are you a new mom exhausted from lack of sleep? It may not even be one large event that is bringing you down, but rather the accumulation of many little things.

When something bad happens to us, we get brought down and can feel overwhelmed by the news or experience. Here are eight tips for helping yourself feel better during the hard times.

1. Be a third person observer of your life. If you are feeling low because you are going through a divorce, try saying to yourself, “So this is what it feels like to be going through a divorce.” Identify how it is making you feel. “It is making me feel anxious and I feel my heart racing. I find myself snapping at everyone because I am feeling angry and hurt from the divorce.” By being able to identify and objectify your feelings, it helps to keep you detached and out of the whirlwind of despair.
   
   
2. Remember the difference is you. A key part of the jingle is, “the difference is you.” There may be a lot about your situation that is not in your control, but focusing on the things that are in your control helps to empower you. As discussed in You’re Laughing Now?,you can do so by finding humor in the situation, being grateful for what you do have, and reframing the situation. You can also try smiling, which sends a signal to your brain that everything is okay.
   
   
3. Don’t be defined by the situation. If you have been diagnosed with cancer, don’t see yourself only as a cancer patient. If your marriage recently ended or you were laid off, don’t merely think of yourself as a divorcee or as someone who is unemployed. Focus on the parts of your life that bring you joy. Remind yourself of who you are outside of the illness or situation.
   
   
4. Be kind and true to yourself. Take the time to nurture yourself during the hard times. Don’t feel like you have to be super-person and be strong for everyone else. Honor where you are at and be okay with it.
   
   
5. Ask for help. Many of my clients are afraid to ask for help. They say they don’t want to be seen as emotionally weak. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with others is a great way to form intimate bonds. If you share your feelings with others when you are down, it helps them to feel comfortable to do so when they are down. Your friends and family want to help you. Let them.
   
   
6. Mourn the loss. When you first find out about an illness, lose a loved one, get laid off, or experience any other life-changing event, it is important to take the time to mourn the loss of your old life. This can also apply to happy events like having a baby, moving to a new house, or changing jobs. Recognizing that your life will not be the same and mourning the loss of what was allows you to let go and move forward. Without taking this step, you remain stuck, longing for the way things were. Be open to your new life. It will be different, but new sources of happiness and joy await you.
   
   
7. Discover the stars. There is a Persian proverb: “When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” Sometimes in our darkest hour, we are enlightened by an idea or a new way of being. When we are stripped down to our most raw and vulnerable self, we often see what and who is truly important to us. This unexpected and unrequested gift from a difficult time may not come right away, but try to be open to and accepting of it when it arrives.
   
   
8. Take a four quadrant perspective. Focus on creating health in the areas where you can. If you have a physical illness, you have the choice of whether you let it affect you in the other three quadrants of your life. This point is illustrated further in the following chapter, The Mental in Illness. One of my clients let a hip injury negatively impact her mind, relationships, and environment. If she had chosen to nurture these areas instead, she would have been a lot healthier and happier—even with her physical injury.

On days when you are feeling overwhelmed, remember that not every day is going to be like this. In fact, the bad days will start to come farther apart. They did for my sister and they will for you too.

Are you having a bad day today? If so, remember what a difference a day makes.

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Dina Colman, MA, MBA is an author, health coach, and founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina has a private practice helping clients live healthier and happier lives. Her book, Four Quadrant Living: Making Healthy Living Your New Way of Life, guides readers to make healthy living a part of their daily lives, leading to greater health, vitality, and happiness. Contact Dina at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.