Do you have a mental or physical illness that has become all consuming to the point where it has taken over your mind, body, relationships, and environment? If so, the good news is that having an illness does not automatically mean you are unhealthy. It can be if you let it be, but it doesn't have to be if you focus on creating health in the areas you can control.

In this blog, I highlight my client, Susan, to illustrate the point, but Susan is not alone. I have seen this happen with many of my clients which is what inspired me to write this blog. Susan, has let her physical illness define her. It completely consumes who she is. She is no longer a mother, wife, friend, cook, or runner. She is her illness. In our last session together, she said, "I am an invalid." This is how she sees herself.

There is no question that Susan's physical situation is very difficult. She has had multiple surgeries in the past year to fix her knee, all to no avail. She uses a walker to get around and cannot stand for long periods of time. She tires easily. She has another surgery slated for April that will hopefully help to repair her knee. Without a doubt, this would get anyone down!

When Susan talks to her family and friends, it's all about her illness. I suggested sitting outside in the warm sun that we had last week and her immediate response was to comment on how hard it would be to get down the two steps to get outside. Yes, it is no longer as easy to sit outside, but she can do it. She chooses not to. I ask her about the theater show and dinner she went to recently with a friend and she tells me about how tiring it was for her to sit for that long of a time. She doesn't tell me whether or not she enjoyed the show. Susan has put her life on hold until her next surgery which is still months away. Until then, it's all about the illness.

Susan has let her illness impact all four quadrants of her life. In the Body quadrant where the illness resides (physical pain and immobility), she has let it impact her diet and movement. She eats a lot of packaged and fast foods. She doesn't get as much movement as she could, even with her physical limitations. In the Mind quadrant, she has lost her light. She sees herself as an invalid. In the Relationships quadrant, she brings illness energy to her relationships. Her husband, Tom, is working on improving his diet for his own health concerns. He is now the cook in the household because Susan is unable to stand long enough to cook. When Tom tries new healthy recipes, Susan typically has a negative response that they don't taste that good. This is discouraging to Tom who is trying to help her and himself. In the Environment quadrant, her world has become very small.

It is important to remember that health is in all four quadrants. Susan may not have control over some of what is happening in the Body quadrant, but she does have control over health in many others areas of her life. Susan is unhealthy right now, but she doesn't have to be. She can have the same physical ailment and be a lot healthier than she is now by taking control and getting her health back in the areas she can. I have complete and total empathy for Susan because she is in pain and has definite physical limitations, but I also see that she is allowing the illness to define her.

For her Body, Susan can eat healthier foods which will bring her energy level up and keep her weight down. She can exercise those parts of her body that are not physically impaired like her upper body. For her Mind, she can do visualizations or repeat mantras to help get her fire back. She can reframe how she looks at things. For example, instead of seeing herself as an invalid with so many limitations, she can see all that she still can do like going to the theater with her friends. It may wipe her out for the day, but she can build up her strength and stamina little by little. She can still enjoy cooking by inviting a friend over while they do the cooking and she guides the way. She may not be able to do some of the things that she used to do like run, but she can find new areas of interest that fit her more (temporary) sedentary lifestyle such as joining a book club, watching documentaries, building puzzles, or knitting.

For her Relationships, Susan can focus on others rather than on herself. I challenged Susan for the week to not talk about her illness when she was with her friends and family. If they asked her how she was doing, she could say that she was feeling better. Even if her immobility and pain level are the same, she could be feeling better because of her improvement in diet, increase in movement, and change in mind. By doing things that she can do, like those ideas mentioned above, she will have other topics to talk about with her loved ones. She will begin to feel better by not focusing on her illness 24/7. For the Environment, Susan could sit outside and enjoy nature. Even if she can't make it outside, sitting by a window and looking out is a great option.

Your illness, mental or physical, does not need to define you. You have it in your control to be healthy, no matter what is happening in your mind or body. Even if you have cancer, you can still be healthy. Even if you just suffered a heart attack, you can still be healthy. Even if you are heavy with grief, you can still be healthy. You don't have to wait until your cancer treatments are over or your next surgery fixes you, you can make changes today. You are not a cancer patient or an invalid, you are YOU. Focus on the quadrants where you do have control and figure out how to increase health there. Don't let your illness invade your whole life when it does not have to.

Do you have an illness that defines you? If so, what changes can you make to get YOU back by not giving your illness more power than it needs?

Be sure to get your free 47 page Getting Started Guide: Taking Your First Step on the 4QL Journey by signing up for our newsletter at the top right of this page. It is filled with a 4 quadrant health assessment as well as health tips for each quadrant including 5 Steps to Mindfulness, 12 Tips for Fad-Free Eating, 6 Ways to Closer Connections, and 9 Ideas to Detox Your Home.

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Dina Colman, MA, MBA is an author, healthy living coach, and founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina has a private practice helping clients live healthier and happier lives. Her book, Four Quadrant Living: Making Healthy Living Your New Way of Life, guides readers to make healthy living a part of their daily lives, leading to greater health, vitality, and happiness. Contact Dina at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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My friend, Darren, hiked up 4,800 feet powered by his mind. His body followed. He said that he would do it. He saw in his mind that he could do it. And then he actually did it.

A few weeks ago, I went to Yosemite with a few friends to hike up Half Dome. There were six of us in the group. Four of us had hiked Half Dome in years past, so we didn't think twice about being able to do it. The four of us are marathon runners so we know how to push our body, manage our fuel, and gauge our ability. One of the two people who had not previously climbed the mountain is an avid cyclist who rides for hours most days of the week, so we weren't worried about him being able to reach the top either. And then there was Darren. Darren was the motivator for the trip, but he is not a marathoner and he doesn't cycle for hours at a time. When he began training for the hike, he was a little overweight. He hoped the training would help him lose some weight, making it easier to get up the mountain.

Darren lives an hour from the rest of us, so much of his training was done on his own. He did complete 15 mile training hikes, but these were mostly on flat terrain. On the few training hikes we did as a group, any time we started to climb hills, Darren didn't feel well. He was nauseous and out of breath. Some of Darren's family members expressed concern about him being able to make it to the top.

Hiking to the top of Half Dome is eight miles one-way with 4,800 feet elevation gain. Once you get to the top, you have to have enough energy to make your way back down another eight miles—no easy feat on tired legs. We started our hike at 4:30 in the morning, outfitted with headlamps to see our way in the dark for the first few hours. It's important to leave early enough to make it to the cables before the crowds show up, and to make it down before dark.

By mile one, Darren was already not doing well. By mile two, he was making himself throw up his breakfast because he felt nauseous. As the miles passed, Darren lagged further and further behind. We waited for him at various points along the way. We found ourselves doubting whether he could make it to the top (and back down again). Darren couldn't eat any food because whenever he did, he felt nauseous. This was certainly a concern for a full day's journey where fueling the body was critical. At many points along the way, we checked in with Darren to make sure he understood that even if he thought he had a few more miles in him, those miles should be used to make his way down.

Around mile six, we were getting tired ourselves. Although we knew we could make it to the top, it was still a physical challenge for us as well. If Darren wasn't going to make it to the top, it made sense for us to move a little faster so that we could make it up and down the mountain before dark. Darren said that he wasn't ready to give up and turn around just yet but for us to go ahead. Our plan was to get to the top and meet him on his way down. So up we went.

As the five of us hiked what is called "subdome," we knew there was no way that Darren could do this part. First of all, we doubted he would even make it to subdome, and second of all, if he did make it to the base of subdome, he wouldn't be able to hike up it. It was rocky and extremely steep. Once you get through subdome, you still have to climb up to the top of the mountain via cables. Many people who make it all the way to the top of subdome, stay at the bottom of the cables—unable to complete this final segment to get to the top. Imagine 400 feet of vertical rock with cables to hold on to with each hand (you are not tethered in). If you fall off the cables, you'll likely fall to your death. It's certainly understandable why some people choose to wait at the bottom of the cables for others in their party to make that final ascent. 

We left voicemails and texts telling Darren that it was harder than we remembered. We advised that he turn around wherever he was. We would catch up to him on the journey down. Cell coverage was spotty so we were never able to get in touch with him live to see if he got our messages. After about 40 minutes enjoying the top of the mountain, we decided it was time to make the journey back down. Just as we started down the cables, we were positively amazed at what we saw. Darren was climbing up the cables. I have chills just recreating this in my mind. Physically, there is no logical way that Darren should have been able to make it to the top that day. He did it mentally and his body followed. He had such drive to make it to the top that there was no other option for the day.

When Darren got to the top, it was an emotional moment. I know this moment. I felt it when I ran my first marathon. At the time I started training for my first marathon, I wasn't a runner. For me, running 26.2 miles was an unachievable goal. I couldn't run one mile, how could I possibly run 26? But I did. I trained for five months and I ran a marathon. When I crossed the finish line, I realized that I could do anything I set my mind to. I'm guessing that in that moment, Darren felt the same way. Give yourself the gift of this kind of moment—when you have pushed yourself mentally and physically beyond your imagination. It's an amazing feeling that stays with you and inspires you for life.

On the top of the mountain, Darren shared with us that someone at his office had recently tried to climb Half Dome and had been unable to. This co-worker told Darren he had to do it as the representative of the company! The co-worker told many people about Darren's endeavor, so in the weeks leading up to the hike, Darren had people asking him about it and cheering him on. The day before the hike, Darren bought an "I climbed Half Dome" shirt. One of the other people in our group said he'd never buy the shirt before the hike. I think it's absolutely essential to buy the shirt beforehand! State your intention. Put your goal out there. Visualize getting it done. And then complete your goal. Say it. See it. Do it.

When I was training for my first marathon seven years ago, I read The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer and it said to tell one new person every day that "I am a marathoner." I love this idea. Every day I did tell someone new that I was training for a marathon. To this day, every time I go to the dentist, he asks about my marathon running because he happened to be one of the people I told along the way.

Darren inspired me that day. Even as he stumbled his way down to the bottom, tired and undernourished, he kept his positive attitude. I wanted Darren to make it to the top that day, but honestly, I really didn't think it was physically possible for him that day. He had no food in him, he was hurting from the first mile, and he had no successful hilly training hikes. But what I underestimated was Darren's mental strength. His mental fortitude made up for what I thought was physically impossible for him that day. Thank you, Darren, for the reminder of the power of the mind.

It doesn't matter what your goal is. Say it. See it. And by see it, I mean really visualize yourself accomplishing the goal. And then, just do it. Be athletic. Push yourself to places you never thought you could go.

Post in the comment section at the bottom of this blog and let us be the person you tell today about your goal. It doesn't have to be running a marathon or hiking up Half Dome. Whatever is physically and mentally challenging for you is a great feat. It's all about what is the personal challenge for each of us based on where we are at in our lives. I look forward to hearing your goal!

Darren at the top of Half Dome, September 2012

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Dina Colman, MA, MBA is an author, healthy living coach, and founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina has a private practice helping clients live healthier and happier lives. Her book, Four Quadrant Living: Making Healthy Living Your New Way of Life, guides readers to make healthy living a part of their daily lives, leading to greater health, vitality, and happiness. Contact Dina at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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