Do you have a mental or physical illness that has become all consuming to the point where it has taken over your mind, body, relationships, and environment? If so, the good news is that having an illness does not automatically mean you are unhealthy. It can be if you let it be, but it doesn't have to be if you focus on creating health in the areas you can control.

In this blog, I highlight my client, Susan, to illustrate the point, but Susan is not alone. I have seen this happen with many of my clients which is what inspired me to write this blog. Susan, has let her physical illness define her. It completely consumes who she is. She is no longer a mother, wife, friend, cook, or runner. She is her illness. In our last session together, she said, "I am an invalid." This is how she sees herself.

There is no question that Susan's physical situation is very difficult. She has had multiple surgeries in the past year to fix her knee, all to no avail. She uses a walker to get around and cannot stand for long periods of time. She tires easily. She has another surgery slated for April that will hopefully help to repair her knee. Without a doubt, this would get anyone down!

When Susan talks to her family and friends, it's all about her illness. I suggested sitting outside in the warm sun that we had last week and her immediate response was to comment on how hard it would be to get down the two steps to get outside. Yes, it is no longer as easy to sit outside, but she can do it. She chooses not to. I ask her about the theater show and dinner she went to recently with a friend and she tells me about how tiring it was for her to sit for that long of a time. She doesn't tell me whether or not she enjoyed the show. Susan has put her life on hold until her next surgery which is still months away. Until then, it's all about the illness.

Susan has let her illness impact all four quadrants of her life. In the Body quadrant where the illness resides (physical pain and immobility), she has let it impact her diet and movement. She eats a lot of packaged and fast foods. She doesn't get as much movement as she could, even with her physical limitations. In the Mind quadrant, she has lost her light. She sees herself as an invalid. In the Relationships quadrant, she brings illness energy to her relationships. Her husband, Tom, is working on improving his diet for his own health concerns. He is now the cook in the household because Susan is unable to stand long enough to cook. When Tom tries new healthy recipes, Susan typically has a negative response that they don't taste that good. This is discouraging to Tom who is trying to help her and himself. In the Environment quadrant, her world has become very small.

It is important to remember that health is in all four quadrants. Susan may not have control over some of what is happening in the Body quadrant, but she does have control over health in many others areas of her life. Susan is unhealthy right now, but she doesn't have to be. She can have the same physical ailment and be a lot healthier than she is now by taking control and getting her health back in the areas she can. I have complete and total empathy for Susan because she is in pain and has definite physical limitations, but I also see that she is allowing the illness to define her.

For her Body, Susan can eat healthier foods which will bring her energy level up and keep her weight down. She can exercise those parts of her body that are not physically impaired like her upper body. For her Mind, she can do visualizations or repeat mantras to help get her fire back. She can reframe how she looks at things. For example, instead of seeing herself as an invalid with so many limitations, she can see all that she still can do like going to the theater with her friends. It may wipe her out for the day, but she can build up her strength and stamina little by little. She can still enjoy cooking by inviting a friend over while they do the cooking and she guides the way. She may not be able to do some of the things that she used to do like run, but she can find new areas of interest that fit her more (temporary) sedentary lifestyle such as joining a book club, watching documentaries, building puzzles, or knitting.

For her Relationships, Susan can focus on others rather than on herself. I challenged Susan for the week to not talk about her illness when she was with her friends and family. If they asked her how she was doing, she could say that she was feeling better. Even if her immobility and pain level are the same, she could be feeling better because of her improvement in diet, increase in movement, and change in mind. By doing things that she can do, like those ideas mentioned above, she will have other topics to talk about with her loved ones. She will begin to feel better by not focusing on her illness 24/7. For the Environment, Susan could sit outside and enjoy nature. Even if she can't make it outside, sitting by a window and looking out is a great option.

Your illness, mental or physical, does not need to define you. You have it in your control to be healthy, no matter what is happening in your mind or body. Even if you have cancer, you can still be healthy. Even if you just suffered a heart attack, you can still be healthy. Even if you are heavy with grief, you can still be healthy. You don't have to wait until your cancer treatments are over or your next surgery fixes you, you can make changes today. You are not a cancer patient or an invalid, you are YOU. Focus on the quadrants where you do have control and figure out how to increase health there. Don't let your illness invade your whole life when it does not have to.

Do you have an illness that defines you? If so, what changes can you make to get YOU back by not giving your illness more power than it needs?

Be sure to get your free 47 page Getting Started Guide: Taking Your First Step on the 4QL Journey by signing up for our newsletter at the top right of this page. It is filled with a 4 quadrant health assessment as well as health tips for each quadrant including 5 Steps to Mindfulness, 12 Tips for Fad-Free Eating, 6 Ways to Closer Connections, and 9 Ideas to Detox Your Home.

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Dina Colman, MA, MBA is an author, healthy living coach, and founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina has a private practice helping clients live healthier and happier lives. Her book, Four Quadrant Living: Making Healthy Living Your New Way of Life, guides readers to make healthy living a part of their daily lives, leading to greater health, vitality, and happiness. Contact Dina at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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