1. It was always so helpful when friends and family would offer a specific thing they could do for me rather than ask for me to reach out with anything I needed. Most of us are not great about asking for help, but it's much easier if the person offers something specific. I had friends offer to organize a meal train (loved it!), contribute food to the meal train, walk my dog on days I couldn't, take me to my acupuncture appointments when my husband wasn't able to, etc. It was much easier to say yes when something specific was offered. I now try to do the same for others.

 

2. Ask what is the biggest concern that your friend is facing and try to help them with it. One of my concerns in the beginning was what would I do during my six week surgery recovery because I don't like to be inactive. A friend knew this and sent me a care package with coloring books, funny reading books, a list of shows to watch - things to help pass the time. Another one of my concerns was losing my eyebrows. A friend offered to go eyebrow pencil shopping with me, which on my own would have been very difficult given the circumstances. She helped to make it a fun activity.

 

3. Please consider not sharing all of your cancer stories with your friend or family member about so-and-so who had cancer and died. I felt like a cancer magnet as soon as I mentioned to anyone that I had cancer. Everyone seemed to want to share their stories about who they knew who had cancer (and most of the stories I heard did not have happy endings). If you want to share about a friend or family member and you think it will be helpful or hopeful, by all means, share. I was already concerned about my own mortality and recurrence and did not want to hear stories of people dying from cancer. I have one friend who told me a story about someone she knew who died from chemo (as I'm going through chemo). It served me no purpose to hear this story. Words have power. I definitely have compassion and want to hear about others who have cancer and be there for them and their loved ones, it's just that it felt a little too raw and happened much too often while I was in the throes of it all. While I was going through it, I just needed to be surrounded by positivity and hope.

 

4. Find out when certain important appointments are (chemo treatments, surgery dates) and reach out on those days. It was always so sweet when friends and family remembered my chemo days and wished me well.

 

 

1. If you have to go through chemotherapy, and you want to save your head hair, cold capping does work! As you can see in the photos above, I lost my eyelashes and eyebrows. My head would have been bald. Those caps work. They are not pleasant to go through (I had 10 hour days with minus 32 degrees F on my head for each chemo day), but worth it for me without a doubt.

 

2. One of the possible negative side effects from my type of chemo is neuropathy. I'm not sure if this helped, but during chemo treatments, I had cold packs on my hands and feet. I also did acupuncture once a week (which is supposed to help with this) and I had zero neuropathy.

 

3. Accept help. Your friends and family want to help. Let them.

 

4. Reach out for support. There is so much support out there, many online groups (for these Covid times) and so many wonderful free services. I took advantage of the Clearity Foundation's offer for 10 free counseling sessions. I also enjoyed free massages through The Sandra Wing Foundation. These are just two of the MANY resources and offerings for cancer patients. Since going through treatment, I have learned of Imerman Angels and Breasties. If you search the internet for what you are looking for, many resources will pop up.

 

5. Realize that just because you have cancer, does not mean you have to see yourself as unhealthy. I loved it when my friend Janet said I was the healthiest cancer patient she had ever seen. As many of you know, prior to cancer I had written a book called Four Quadrant Living that talks about the four quadrants of health - Mind, Body, Relationships, and Environment. Everything that I had written about was definitely put to the test during my cancer diagnosis and treatment. I can without a doubt say that living a Four Quadrant Life helped me get through treatment with relative "ease". I focused on how I was healthy, rather than focusing on the cancer. I managed my stress (Mind) by journaling, listening to guided meditations, talking to my husband. I was healthy in my Body by walking, eating well, getting a good night's sleep. I didn't let the cancer overtake my Relationships by letting it be all I talked about. Having cancer let me connect with my friends and family on a deeper level so it really strengthened my relationships. I spent a lot of time sitting and walking in nature (Environment) which definitely helped my recovery. There are always silver linings and things to be grateful for. By focusing on the positive, I was able to keep my spirits up. It doesn't mean it was always unicorns and rainbows, but I was able to stay positive most of the time. On the days you feel down, that's okay. You are entitled. Cancer sucks.

 

6. Be your own advocate with doctors. Doctors do not have a crystal ball. There are so many factors involved in getting cancer and being treated for it. I sought out doctors who were "my people", the ones that I felt understood me and who were hopeful and positive. Ask as many questions as you need to. Get second opinions. You are your own best advocate for your health. Trust your gut and do not settle for a doctor who is not giving you the time of day or who is doom and gloom (and believe me, I encountered a few of those and quickly changed to another doctor).

 

I'm sure there are many other thoughts I have about cancer, but I just thought I would jot down a few today in honor of World Cancer Day. Hope it's helpful.