Do you know what your spouse believes to be the meaning of life? Do you know how old your parents think they would be if they didn't know how old they were? Do you know your sibling's life motto?

These are a few of the questions that I posed to my family last Thanksgiving. I created a document with 13 questions on it and asked my family to fill it out a few days before Thanksgiving. I am attaching the document that I created, Do You Know?, for your reference. You can also see the questions posted below.

1. If you were stranded on an island, what three foods and one drink (other than water) would you want an unlimited supply of?
2. If you were featured on the cover of a magazine, which one would you want it be?
3. What are the place(s) you still want to travel to that you have not (assuming perfect health and you had the money)?
4. What is a food or drink that you miss that you have given up for health reasons?
5. What is your favorite quote?
6. What is your life’s motto?
7. What are you most proud of in your life?
8. What were the defining moments in your life (i.e. changed the course of your life)?
9. What is the meaning of life?
10. Name a funny word.
11. If the ATM gives you $1,000 instead of $100, what would you do?
12. If you could re-name yourself, what would it be?
13. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

Feel free to use these questions or create your own with additional or different questions. I had a friend of mine take the answers from everyone and put them into one document so that I could play along too. I printed out a copy for everyone. After we enjoyed our turkey feast, each of us individually wrote down our guesses of which family member said each of the answers. We then went through the questions as a group to find out the true identity for each answer. It was fun, heartwarming, and informative. And, it was not as easy as you might think!

How often do you talk about these kinds of questions with your friends and family? Too often we are caught up in what is going on for us (or others) in the now and that drives our conversations. There is nothing wrong with this, but sometimes it is a good change of pace to talk about broader and deeper life topics. You may learn a few things that you did not know about your loved ones.

I loved learning that my 72-year-old dad feels like he is 62 (should I be concerned that my 44-year-old husband feels like he is 13?), and that my husband thinks the meaning of life is to "Leave the world a better, happier place than when you entered it."

Do you know what your friends would re-name themselves if given the chance? If not, it may be fun to find out. Why not try it this Thanksgiving? Report back and let us know what interesting things you learned about your friends and family.

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Dina Colman, MA, MBA is an author, healthy living coach, and founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina has a private practice helping clients live healthier and happier lives. Her Amazon Top 100 book, Four Quadrant Living: Making Healthy Living Your New Way of Life, guides readers to make healthy living a part of their daily lives, leading to greater health, vitality, and happiness. Contact Dina at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Hanukkah. Christmas. New Year’s Eve. The holiday madness begins in November and lasts through the New Year. I'm not a holiday grinch, but I cringe at the waste that comes from the holiday season every year. From Thanksgiving to New Years Day, household waste in the U.S. increases by more than 25%. The waste comes in the form of food, shopping bags, holiday cards, packaging, wrapping paper, bows, ribbons, and more. This adds up to an additional one million tons a week to our landfills during this time (United States Environmental Protection Agency).

Think about the bags of trash you end up with at the end of the night after opening gifts. Trash bags are piled high with ribbon, paper, and packaging—much of it which is not recyclable. This trash sits in landfill for hundreds of years before it decomposes. Give a gift to the environment this holiday season and reduce waste. Here are some ideas.

• Reduce the number of holiday cards you send. Did you know that the 2.65 billion holiday cards sold each year in the U.S. could fill a football field 10 stories high? If we each send one card less, we'd save 50,000 cubic yards of paper (The Use Less Stuff Report). How about sending electronic cards or posting a holiday video to your friends on YouTube? For paper or photo cards, think about just sending to those friends and family who are out-of-town that you do not see as often. This will save you both time and money. I stopped sending holiday cards a few years ago and I don't miss that extra “to-do" around the holidays.

• Go potted or rent. Each year 50 million Christmas trees are purchased in the U.S., and of those, about 30 million go to landfill (The Use Less Stuff Report). Artificial trees can be reused, but are not ideal for the environment either. They are made of PVC (a harmful plastic), are typically shipped from outside the U.S. (consuming resources to get to their final destination), and are not recyclable or biodegradable. Instead, go for a potted tree that can be replanted after the holiday season. If you don't want to plant it in your yard, you can find another spot for it. The Original Christmas Tree Company has some ideas. There are also companies that rent trees, such as Rent a Living Christmas Tree.

• Go homemade. Give homemade gifts instead of packaged ones. The sentiment will last a lifetime. At my dad's house, we now give homemade gifts instead of bought ones. We have done this for the past four years. We draw names and make a gift for one person. I cherish the photo calendar my dad made me, the painted box with uplifting sayings my sister made me, the wood-carved wine holder my sister's boyfriend made me, and the decorated frames my stepmom gave me. I don't remember all of the other gifts I have gotten from them over the years, but I will always remember what they made for me.

• Give less. If you are not ready to give up gift giving entirely, how about drawing names and just buying for one person? This means less time in the mall and lower January credit card bills. For less packaging waste, good gift ideas are movie tickets, spa certificates, gift cards, or vouchers for an activity with you. Another great idea is to make a donation to an organization that has meaning for the person you are gifting. For me, it's not just about the money—it's about the time and pressure of gift giving. There is so much frenzy during the holiday season that is only exacerbated by the obligation of gift giving. Let's give ourselves a chance to enjoy the holiday season without putting so many demands on our time (and pocketbook).

• Spend time, not money. Create traditions that your family looks forward to over the holidays, reducing the importance of material items and increasing the importance of family time. Some of my favorite traditions are building ginger bread houses, cooking together, building puzzles, playing games, and driving through the neighborhood listening to holiday music, and seeing the holiday lights.

• Be creative with gift wrap. Try using newspapers, magazines, old calendars, or scarves to wrap presents. Choose wrapping paper with recycled content. Don't throw out the scraps. Use them and wrap a gift with several scrap pieces. Go light (or not at all) on the tissue paper. Instead of throwing out (or recycling) all of the tissue paper, boxes, and gift wrap, save it for next year. My sister and her boyfriend outdid themselves last year when they wrapped my gifts in fresh banana leaves that could be returned to nature after I opened my gifts.
  

• Forgo the ribbons and bows. If every family reused just two feet of holiday ribbon, the 38,000 miles of ribbon saved could tie a bow around the entire planet (The Use Less Stuff Report). It’s the gift inside that matters, not the packaging.

• Save energy. I enjoy the holiday lights as much as the next person but they do use a lot of energy. If you are in the market for new lights, buy LED ones which save energy.

• Pay it forward. My friends, Tracy and Vinny, have a holiday party every year where the price of admission is a new, unwrapped toy for the Toys for Tots program which gives gifts to children in need. What a great way to get in the true spirit of reaching out to and helping others.
  

Okay, so maybe I am a bit of a holiday grinch—limited holiday cards, rented Christmas trees, and homemade gifts? I've made most of these changes over the years, and I have to say—the holidays are much less stressful (and more meaningful) for me than they used to be. I have time to enjoy the season and my family. I'm not running around like a crazy person making sure I have gifts for everyone, holiday cards filled out, and gifts wrapped. It's liberating.

On the other hand, I do enjoy getting into the holiday spirit with listening to the holiday music, seeing the lights, and receiving the photo cards and witty letters from my friends. Four Quadrant Living not about depriving ourselves of the things that bring us pleasure. Pleasure is a key component of our health. So, if there are certain items listed above that bring you joy during the holiday season, by all means, do them. Just do them mindfully, recognizing the impact on the health of the environment, those around you, and even yourself.

You don't have to make all of the changes, but is there one change for this holiday season that you can make as a gift to yourself, as well as to the environment?

One of several aisles in Costco.

When I was a kid, I remember learning about Ponce de Leon, a Spanish explorer in the 16th Century, searching for the fountain of youth. Perhaps if he had spent more time sleeping and less time searching, he would have found it. The fountain of youth is sleep!

We are a society that is driven to perfection. We have to do it all. We need to get an "A" in all areas of our lives—being a parent, spouse, worker, friend, child, etc. Focusing on getting an A often means getting fewer Zzzzzs. The demands on our time are starting so young these days too. Look at how busy kids are now with all of their in-school and after-school activities. It's a lot more frenetic than when I was growing up. We are averaging almost two hours less sleep a night today than our grandparents. In fact, 43% of adults say that they are so sleepy during the day that it interferes with their daily activity and 60% of children under the age of 18 say they are tired during the school day (with 15% admitting they fall asleep in class).

Are you and your children getting enough sleep? Sleep is highly underrated. It is not something that is "nice to have"; it is essential for your health. In fact, lack of sleep impacts motor skills such that driving while sleep deprived is comparable to drunk driving! At least 100,000 car accidents in the U.S. each year are caused by sleepy drivers. It also weakens your immune system which puts you at greater risk of disease and infection. And, it increases accident risk, stress, anxiety, and depression. Sleep is a natural antidote to the damage done to our bodies during the course of the day. During sleep, our bodies replenish the immune system, eliminate free radicals, ward off heart disease, and alleviate our mood imbalances.

How do you know if you are sleep deprived? Here are a few signs:

• Do you fall asleep as soon as you get into bed at night?
• Do you have difficulty waking up in the morning?
• Are you moody and irritable?
• Do you fall asleep at work or in class?

Generally, 8 hours of sleep is the norm, though the range people need varies from 6 to 10 hours (personally, I'm on the higher end of this spectrum). If you suffer from a sleep disorder, including insomnia, excessive drowsiness, sleep apnea, and restless movement during sleep, you are not alone—so do over 60 million Americans. There are many factors that can affect your sleep including stress, hormonal changes, excessive caffeine intake, little or no exercise, shift work, medication side effects, and alcohol consumption.

For some tips on getting a good night's sleep that are prescription-free, see Get Sleep in the Body quadrant of the Four Quadrant Living website. With the holidays upon us, the demands on your time will become even greater. Don't sacrifice your sleep time to get it all done. In the long run, it will end up reducing your productivity and compromising your health.

Ponce de Leon never found the fountain, but you can. Just get more Zzzzzs. What steps will you take to get a better night's sleep?

_______

Dina Colman Mitchell, MBA, MA, NBC-HWC a widely published health coach, is the founder of Four Quadrant Living. Dina credits four quadrant living for helping her go through her own cancer diagnosis and treatment last year with grace, strength, and health. Now cancer-free, Dina continues to devote her time to helping others around the world live healthier, happier lives. Her Amazon Top 100 book, Four Quadrant Living: A Guide to Nourishing Your Mind, Body, Relationships, and Environment, shows readers how to take responsibility for their health and make healthy living a way of life. Contact Dina at  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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"I think I'm in love". These were the words that a good friend of mine emailed to me recently. She has been dating on Match.com for a while and has finally found a guy that she is interested in. I have to admit—I felt a twinge of jealousy when I got her email. I knew how she was feeling in that moment. Do you remember that “in love” feeling” when you feel like you are on cloud nine? All is right with the world and you feel positively aglow. You want to spend every moment with your new seemingly soul mate. The relationship is so new that you have no responsibilities within it. It is outside reality in a way because there are no bills to pay together, no kids demanding attention, no house that needs upkeep, and no outside interested parties involved. The relationship is just between you and the other person.

I've been with my husband for 23 years, married for 14. I love my husband and our life together. I truly feel that he loves me unconditionally, which is awesome and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, like most long-term partnerships, our relationship now comes with responsibilities and a never ending “to-do” list. Currently on the list, for example, we need to replace our roof, plan Thanksgiving dinner, determine how much money we have left in our health care reimbursement before the end of the year, and take the cat to the vet—and the list goes on. I am continually reminded of a chapter in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and It’s all Small Stuff by Richard Carlson entitled “Remind yourself that when you die, your ‘in-basket’ won’t be empty”. I read this book over a decade ago yet this chapter still stays with me. We can’t (always) let the overflowing inbox be an excuse not to do something fun with our loved one!

So, how do we keep the spark alive and have that "in love" feeling again? One thing I observed this week from spending time with two friends newly “in love” and their significant others is that they seemed to be in constant physical connection with one another. They were holding hands at the dinner table, walking with their arms around each other, and kissing each other. Can you remember when you were the same way? Personally, I have never been one who feels entirely comfortable with public displays of affection, but I think this could be a place to start to reconnect in our relationships.

In fact, many health advocates believe that in the U.S. we have touch deprivation so it would probably serve us well to physically connect more with others in general. One study looked at sets of American, French, and Puerto Rican friends having coffee together. Over the course of an hour, U.S. friends touched each other on average only twice an hour, whereas French friends touched 110 times, and Puerto Rican friends touched 180 times! Recent research shows that lack of touch can lead to decreased emotional health, reduced intellectual ability, and a weakened immune system—touch can affect our health! This week, try to hold hands more with your partner, give him (or her) a hug unexpectedly, and kiss them every morning and night.

It is also important to make time for each other. I know it is hard with all of the demands on our time—work, children, friends, etc. However, our relationships are worth leaving the “to-do” list undone periodically. Think about what you loved to do together when you first met. My husband and I loved to play pinball together with him operating the left flipper and me at the right. What was it for you? Was it a hike and a picnic, trying out a new recipe cooking together, or exploring a nearby town? You don't even have to go anywhere. You can enjoy your own backyard or sit by the fire in your house, as long as you are doing nothing but being together.

Whatever phase you are in with a relationship (or none at all), appreciate it for where it is. Every stage has its highlights and its lowlights. If you are not currently in a relationship, enjoy your time alone doing things for yourself. If you are in a new relationship with that “in love” feeling, savor and appreciate every minute. But, don’t be too sad as that feeling diminishes because it can turn into a much deeper and truer love that you wouldn’t trade for anything. If you are in a long-term relationship like I am, be grateful for the comfort of long-lasting love—and maybe try to recapture that “in love” feeling by trying some of the ideas above.

This week I will find a place to play pinball with my husband for a date night. I will also make an effort to be more physically connected with him, whether it is touching feet under the dinner table, putting my arm around him at a dinner party, or holding his hand as we holiday shop. What steps will you take to get that "in love" feeling again?


Lifelong partners—Adelie penguins, Antarctica 2003

I don't like to get up early. That's just my thing. Waking up to an alarm clock is one of my least favorite things in life. Believe me, I would love to be a morning person—my life would be a lot easier. However, staying up late is a guilty pleasure of mine, which means the mornings don't come easy. After four decades of not being a morning person, I’m pretty sure that’s just who I am.

Last week, I asked some people in my running group if they were up for meeting at 8:00am instead of 7:30am on a Saturday for a run. I love to stay up late on weekend nights, so when I know I have to run early in the morning, the evening prior just isn’t as fun. One of the women in the group replied on email and said that I should just "suck it up" and meet at 7:30am. She said that is what she says to her children all the time. This rubbed me the wrong way. Why should I suck it up? Why should any of us suck it up, if we don't have to? Life is just too short to be sucking it up. Running at 7:30am instead of 8:00am is a minor example, but I think the idea of sucking it up is one that exists on a wider scale in our culture. Do you have an area of your life where you feel like you have to suck it up? Is it your job? Is it a sense of obligation to a certain work, friend, or family function? Is it pressure from your extroverted spouse or friends to go out when all you really want to do is stay in?

I have a friend who I spoke to recently and she said that her husband just went on antidepressants because he's been very unhappy and stressed with his job for months. She said that her husband is much better now that he is on antidepressants. I asked her if they could afford it financially if he did not work and she said yes, that was not a problem. She has told as much to her husband, yet he won’t quit. He even has some wonderful, feasible ideas of what he could do for work instead that would make him happier, yet he is choosing to stay in his current job. The drugs may be making him numb to his pain, but the source of the stress is still there. In this case, sucking it up is seriously impacting his health. This is a great example of when you should not be sucking it up! Whether you are numbing your pain with drugs or with your mind (telling yourself this just is the way your life is), you are not living an integral life of health and wellness. It is time to take back control and actively manage your life. (See the Mind page for more information on the effects of stress as well as some stress management techniques.)

Next time someone tells you to suck it up or you are telling yourself to suck it up, stop and ask yourself if you really have to. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I'm not saying that you can always not suck it up, but I bet there are a lot of times that you don't have to. In fact, I think there are a lot of times where we’ve made the situation way more complicated in our head than it really is or needs to be.

If you don't love your job, start brainstorming other ideas. You do have a choice. You are in full control of your life. Maybe you can't quit right now, but at least take steps to make a change happen in the future. If there is a certain function that you don't want to go to, ask yourself if you really need to be there. If your spouse or friends want to go out and you don’t, be okay with saying no every now and then and letting them go out without you. There are times when we do things we don’t necessarily want to because we know it will make a loved one happy. In this case, the benefit (a happy loved one) outweighs the cost (doing something that wouldn’t be our first choice). It is when the cost outweighs the benefit that we should realize we do have a choice to say no and not suck it up.

We have such a limited time on this earth. Let's make the most of it. Let's live it to the fullest. Let's choose happiness. Let’s be mindful of our choices. Let's not ever suck it up when we don't have to. Who's with me and not going to suck it up anymore? (And who’s in for an 8:00am run?)