Just as the food we eat, the thoughts we have, and the air we breathe can be toxic, so can the "friends" we have. The quality of our relationships impacts our health. Friends who are loving, caring, and supportive are good for your health. Friends who are manipulative, mean, or self-absorbed are not good for your health. There are numerous studies which show that people with a strong social network live longer and are healthier than those without. In fact, the impact of social relationships on life expectancy appears to be at least as influential as variables like cigarette smoking, hypertension, obesity, and exercise. A strong social network is about the quality, not quantity, of our friends.

The good news is that we have the power to choose our relationships. The easy test of whether a certain friend is good for your health is to ask yourself whether you feel better or worse after spending time with this person. I have numerous friends who, after spending time with them, I feel wonderful. I get the feeling that they genuinely like me and want to be with me. They are engaged in the conversation and take a sincere interest in what is going on in my life. Who in your life makes you feel like that? Call them now and schedule a date with them or just tell them how much you appreciate them being in your life. These are the people you want to surround yourself with.

On the flipside, I can identify two people in my life right now who make me feel worse after being with them. With one, I get the feeling that she doesn't really like me. This doesn't make me feel good about myself. With the other, I feel that the relationship is unbalanced where I am the giver (listener) and he is the receiver (talker). After our time together, I feel frustrated, drained, and unfulfilled. Who are the people in your life that make you feel worse about yourself? Do they put you down? Do they talk behind your back? Are they negative? Is it all about them? If you have any dates on the calendar with these "friends", call now to cancel.

It may not be easy, natural, or comfortable to actively manage your friends, but it is necessary for your optimal health. Obviously we have more control over some relationships than others (e.g. it may be more difficult to extricate yourself from co-workers), but the first step is to identify the drains in your life and then take steps to spend less time with these individuals. Relationships are complicated, to be sure.  I'm not talking about removing friends from your life just because you had a disagreement. If there is a genuine bond, you want to try to communicate your feelings and work it out. It is worth putting in the effort for those relationships that fill you up. What I am talking about here is minimizing the time with and energy spent on those people in your life who genuinely are not healthy for you, no matter what effort you put into the relationship. I believe that we know who in our lives fit the bill, if we just take the time to acknowledge it.

Going forward, be mindful of the people you spend time with and think about how they make you feel. Editing your friends takes conscious effort. We have so many demands on our time these days, it is important to consciously decide how and with whom we are spending our time. Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with people who drain your energy and deplete your health. Wouldn't you much rather spend time with those people who think the world of you and support your health?

Today, I am going to mindfully make an effort to surround myself with people who make me feel fabulous and loved. Do you pledge to do the same?