Relationships Blog (21)
I was reviewing a client's health form the other day and for the question that asked how many alcoholic beverages she drank per week, she answered "2 to 3 daily". It got me to thinking about how many people I know who drink on a daily basis and wondering where the line between healthy and unhealthy drinking lies. When it becomes a part of the daily routine, it may be time to consider why. Is it social? Is it taking the edge off? Is it relieving stress? One friend who recently had surgery said he did not want to take…
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The beginning of a new year is a great time to reflect on the year behind and look forward to the year ahead. A great way to do this is with The 2-0-1-5 Plan. Two years ago, I created The 2-0-1-3 Plan and it resonated with so many of you! We had the 2-0-1-4 Plan last year and now it's time for your new plan. Be sure to comment below with your plan. It has been on my mind the past couple of weeks to send out this blog and today I received an email from a client I haven't…
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We met at the corner of 8th Avenue and 40th Street in New York at a Dean & Deluca coffee shop. I recognized her immediately from her Facebook photo, a beautiful woman in her late 40s with long brown hair and a radiant smile. She looks like my cousins. She said I look like her sister. We had instant familiarity, even though we had only met a few weeks ago online. Cyndi Freeman found me on the internet. Her story is similar to mine in that we both have sisters who battled breast cancer and have been told by doctors…
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The end of year is a great time to reflect on the year behind and look forward to the year ahead. A great way to do this is with The 2-0-1-4 Plan. Last year, I created The 2-0-1-3 Plan and it resonated with so many of you! It was fun to share our plans for the New Year, so it's time to do it again. Be sure to comment below with your plan. For those of you who did it last year, you can see your plans here at the bottom of the blog. The 2-0-1-4 Plan is about starting…
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"Have a holly jolly Christmas." "Deck the halls with boughs of holly." "Have yourself a merry little Christmas." The holidays are a happy time of year, right? They can be, but for many of us, they can also be bittersweet. A missed loved one can bring sadness to an otherwise joyous season. Christmas was a big deal in the household of Dan and Carol Luczynski, my father-in-law and mother-in-law. My husband and I always had to split Christmas week between LA (my family) and Phoenix (his family), but we always made sure that our time in Phoenix included Christmas eve…
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Wednesday, 20 November 2013 00:00
5 Ways to a Healthier, Happier Marriage
Written by Dina Colman Mitchell
I've seen quite a few clients lately who are unhappy in their marriages. Based on these sessions, I've noticed recurring themes and patterns in relationships. It made me think about what it takes to have a healthy, happy marriage. Here are five ideas. 1. Recognize that relationships take work. If you start with this premise, you are less likely to be disappointed in your marriage. We have an ideal that relationships should be pure bliss at all times. If you are with someone for the long haul, it is important to understand that there will be ups and downs based…
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One of the best things you can do for your relationships is to identify your triggers. A trigger is an unresolved issue from your past that continues to resurface throughout your life. Think of times in your relationships when you overreacted to a situation—where the reaction you had was way bigger than was warranted for the actual event. In this instance, there was likely a trigger involved.Let me give you a recent example of one of my triggers to help explain the power of these unresolved issues. Last weekend I woke up to find my husband gone from the house.…
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As you may remember, back in January, I wrote about the 2-0-1-3 Plan to help set goals for the year. The "0" was as follows: 0 Commit to doing the ZERO "do it now" item. What is the one thing that has been on your list for years to do that you know would benefit you in some way—career, health, relationships, personal—but you just have never done it? Commit to it to do it this year. Here are a few ideas: Get out of a toxic relationship that has been bringing you down. Make a change in your job if…
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Last weekend, I met up with my business school friend, Kate, who I haven't seen in years. When I asked her if she would be going to our next reunion, she said only if she was in a good place in her life inside and out. When I asked her to elaborate, she said that she would go only if she was feeling good about how she looked and what she was doing with her life. I asked her if the reunion were next month, would she go—meaning is she happy with where she is RIGHT NOW? She said she…
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Is there something in your life that you've been trying to do but just haven't been able to get it done? Like losing those few extra pounds but just can't? Exercising more but it's not happening? Starting your own business but not getting it off the ground? Doing that new hobby but not making the time? Maybe it's time for an accountability buddy!Accountability partners can be near or far. They can be friends or acquaintances. They can be for work, exercise, diet, fun—anything you are trying to make happen in your life but are having trouble doing on your own.…
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Death is an inevitable conclusion to life. We all die. Losing a loved one is heartbreaking. You can make this time easier on your family and friends by giving them one final gift—your wishes for when you die. I know it's not an easy subject to discuss. You may even feel uncomfortable reading this blog. I thought twice about writing the blog because I know that many people do not feel comfortable discussing death. I feel strongly that it is a topic that needs to be more openly discussed. By having these discussions, we can make it a little easier…
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Have you really not thought about how cool it would be if Diet Coke (feel free to substitute your favorite unhealthy food here) were broccoli? I can't be the only one who has entertained such thoughts. We all know that broccoli is a superfood with a lot of reasons to make it a staple in your diet. On the other hand, Diet Coke doesn't have a redeeming nutritional quality about it. But, I like it.For at least two decades, I've had a close, loyal relationship with Diet Coke. I wasn't into health so I didn't know any better. I mean…
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How 'bout them Niners? These four words would not typically come out of my mouth in conversation. However, last week, Lance Howland, editor of the Walnut Creek Patch, asked me if I felt inspired to write about the "collective psychic lift that a region gets from a sports franchise suddenly having success after years of failure - the 49ers." Lance said he noticed that usually it's the same crowd whose conversation centers around sports, but then something like this happens that gets the attention of non-sports fans, and thousands of new people are talking football. My initial response was that…
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Do you know what your spouse believes to be the meaning of life? Do you know how old your parents think they would be if they didn't know how old they were? Do you know your sibling's life motto?These are a few of the questions that I posed to my family last Thanksgiving. I created a document with 13 questions on it and asked my family to fill it out a few days before Thanksgiving. I am attaching the document that I created, Do You Know?, for your reference. You can also see the questions posted below. If you were…
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I'd like to introduce you to my faithful pal, "i". He's very good at keeping me connected. I rely on him tremendously and find it hard to believe there was ever life without him. I spend more time with him than anyone else. When I ask my husband, "Where is ‘i’”?, he knows I am not losing my grammatical skills or waxing philosophical. It means I'm looking for my 4.25" x 2.25" constant companion. "i" is how I endearingly refer to my iPhone. He's here with me now. As much as I ♥ "i", I'm feeling a bit on information…
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It's 9pm on a Tuesday night and I'm at a veterinary hospital to meet a dog that I might adopt. This particular vet is open until midnight and they work a lot with rescue organizations. The rescue group that I contacted told me that I could meet the dog before she got spayed if I wanted to meet that evening. Nine o'clock at night seemed a little late to me, but the dog had just been listed on Petfinder.com and I found myself saying "yes". As I sat in the waiting room for the dog to come out, I saw…
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Mahatma Gandhi said, “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated”. In this country, we run the gamut. At one end, there are animals that are treated like family members, their every need thoughtfully attended to. At the other end, there are blatant acts of cruelty against animals like hoarding, puppy mills, dog fighting, and worse. Just the other day, I heard about 15 small dogs that were dumped in the middle of a busy road, some hit by cars not able to stop in time. There is no…
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I need to take the news in small doses. Years ago, I stopped getting the newspaper. I no longer watch the news at night. There are plenty of good things happening in the world, but the news tends to focus on the bad—it's what sells. I find that my heart is too heavy when I open myself up to unlimited news. I still keep in touch—hearing the highlights from my husband, my friends, the radio, and the internet. I know enough of what I need to know. When the earthquake and resulting tsunami first hit Japan, my husband and I…
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The Relationships quadrant is not only about our relationships with our loved ones, but also about our relationships with our community and the world. There is no doubt that our community health affects our individual health and our collective individual health affects our community health. I read a story in Runner’s World magazine a couple of years ago that inspires me to this day. It is a great example of how one individual can impact many and how many individuals can impact one.Anne Mahlum, in the February 2009 issue of Runner’s World talks about how she would run by a…
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"I think I'm in love". These were the words that a good friend of mine emailed to me recently. She has been dating on Match.com for a while and has finally found a guy that she is interested in. I have to admit—I felt a twinge of jealousy when I got her email. I knew how she was feeling in that moment. Do you remember that “in love” feeling” when you feel like you are on cloud nine? All is right with the world and you feel positively aglow. You want to spend every moment with your new seemingly soul…
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Just as the food we eat, the thoughts we have, and the air we breathe can be toxic, so can the "friends" we have. The quality of our relationships impacts our health. Friends who are loving, caring, and supportive are good for your health. Friends who are manipulative, mean, or self-absorbed are not good for your health. There are numerous studies which show that people with a strong social network live longer and are healthier than those without. In fact, the impact of social relationships on life expectancy appears to be at least as influential as variables like cigarette smoking,…
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